Somewhere In The Dark

I survive, anxious and fretful
Somewhere between sleep and waking
Stumbling in the dark
Trying to see what is not there
But hoping it is

There is no rest for me here
There is only that constant reaching out
A kind of futile searching

I could name my intended and be done with it
But that would only make the journey more painful
Only make the longing more intense
Admitting is as good as dying
A slow sweet agony

I know even in my deepest of selves
That there is peace in his arms
And I know that there is solace for him in mine
Yet he will not admit as much, even to himself
So I am left with his denial and my wanting

Somewhere between sleep and waking
Stumbling in the dark

The Nights

My days are long and troublesome
But the nights are longer
Slow torturous things that rob me of sleep
Even as I close my eyes
My thoughts wander to you
And I wonder what it would be like
To having my emptiness filled with
Your essence
It stirs my imagination
Stroking the flames of a fire
That has so long lain unattended
Smothered in the depths of my soul
The chemistry is there but I keep my distance
Even as we continue this elaborate dance
Each of us waits for the other to blink
To cross the invisible line
To speak the unspoken words that hang between us
Like sweet fruit ready to fall

My restraint amazes me
I’ve never wanted someone this much
For this long
Sometimes you are so close I can feel
Your breath on my cheek
And I know the light in your eyes is for me
The brilliance of which bears silent witness
To the feelings you try so desperately to hide
I saw them only once
When we were finally alone
There was no invisible wall
No attempt to conceal or disengage
Only the emotion of your longing
Naked and raw as it played across your face
Tearing at your composure like some hungry beast
For once you did not fight it
Instead you let it float across the distance
To touch my soul

I have seen you watch me and smile
When you think I am unaware
I have seen you struggle for control
Of your innermost desires
That quiet wanting that wears you down
Your poise would be lost
By my passion made manifest
And by the touch that you secretly crave
The taste of a thousand kisses
Would never be enough to sate
The thing that is my desire for you
You are used to the unexpected from me
And yet, I think, even this would surprise you

Pieces

Pieces of you
I collected them
So carelessly dropped
Fragments
Living and breathing
In the little things
That led me deeper
Lost before I realized
Fitted to you
Closer than you knew
Yet just far enough
Away
Then the vanishing came
No more pieces
They disappeared like whispers
In the darkness
I felt the missing
Disconnected
A limit beyond which
I would not pass
Resolute and willful
Still I snatched snippets
In unguarded moments
Even as you were
Unaware

Edges

Life's edges are hard.
Their cuts, always the tiniest,
bleed the most.
You bump into them
when you least expect it,
only to find yourself
bruised and deeply,
deeply wounded.
I was not built
for such wounds
but I have been scarred
enough by them
to know their sting.
I was crafted
for other things,
softer things.
Life thought otherwise.
The edges found me.

Possibilities

Is it possible to dwell on what might be
What was and what is all at once
This has set me to pondering
The what ifs and could bes
Even as I imagine them
I am swept away

There is a whisper on the breeze
It calls to me…again
The journey I must take
Awaits my first tentative step
Footfalls on the pavement
A nearly imperceptible path
I can no longer hide behind what is safe
Will I find what I crave there
As I stand at the precipice bold, unflinching
Will I really fly
Dare I give away my secrets
Ah, but that would be sweet torture

In silence I already mourn
That of which I cannot speak
For a person I dare not name
My mind wanders into the future
Touching, tasting, savoring
As I linger at the thought of a caress
My body rising to a lover’s touch
I utter a lonesome moan
Torn from the pages of wishes
And dreams yet to be
A hush falls over my soul
A breathless kiss in the dark
I wait for the possibilities

The Thief

He became the thief
I did not see
Stealing pieces of my spirit
One lie at a time
As unaware
I watched time move
Not seeing my self disappear
Each time I died
Just a little
I did not know I needed
To hide my self from him
I never suspected
Seven years, then ten
My eyes began to open
I tried to run away
Leaving once, twice
But he kept
Pulling me back
Stealing more of me
Too many years passed
He had taken so much
Finally, finally
I found my courage
And with it freedom
All those little pieces
Like diamonds in the sand
Glitter as I once again
Hold them close
Even as I marvel at
My return to wholeness
I wonder who
His next victim will be